DAY 25

Life has been life-ing me lately!! It’s been a while since I’ve checked in on this blog, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing the “work.”

It’s actually crazy to me how up and down this journey is. One day I’m totally in flow, feeling connected to God, on top of the world… and the next day I feel like a crazy person, cannot turn my brain off, and having thoughts that using and drinking would be a “good” solution.

Now I know that is a lie…

I’ve been going to meetings almost every day. Meetings are weird but I feel like they are helpful to remind me of what I’m doing. It’s dangerous when I go a few days without a meeting and I start forgetting why I started this sobriety journey in the first place. What I’m noticing is that I want this process to happen faster. I want to skip ahead to the part where I’m happy, joyous and free! Where I can share my experience, strength and hope! But really, I’m just in the midst of the struggle.

When I feel “squirrely” I have to remember to reach out. This is probably the hardest part about this whole process for me, is letting other people know I’m struggling. Some of these times I have reached out and it’s felt good. But most times, I just “white knuckle” it out myself which I know is not good. I’m just SO afraid of what others will think of me. And also I’ve just been doing this on my own for SO long that it feels foreign and weird to talk to people about what I am intimately going through.

However I told myself that I would show up and do this thing differently in order to get different results. Right!? That’s the definition of insanity- to keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. SO for me right now is practicing doing new things— such as reaching out, praying, going to meetings regularly, and being willing to do this a different way. So far, so good— grateful for 25 days sobriety!!!