DAY SEVEN
Wow! Today is a whole week of being clean and sober and IN RECOVERY. That’s the key. I’m in recovery, I’m going to meetings, I’m working with a sponsor, I’m talking to other alcoholics and addicts. I’M REALLY DOING THIS.
Today I feel happy. I feel a sense of lightness and joy inside. I didn’t even get as much sleep as I would have liked, and there’s nothing in particular I’m looking forward to today. It’s just a new day and I feel excited to be alive, if that makes sense.
Nothing lately has made sense. Everything in my life has been turned upside down. I moved to a new city in a new home where I know NO ONE, my daily routines have been completely different than they ever have before, and I am doing this completely sober without the use of drugs or alcohol (which was a daily habit). And surprisingly? I am feeling happy and grateful despite being right smack in the middle of this huge transition.
Maybe that’s because that’s where I thrive. I’ve always thrived in chaos, when things are changing around me I’ve had this uncanny ability to capitalize on the growth and launch myself into new directions.
Maybe it’s simply because what is happening is meant to be.
Maybe this is exactly what I needed. This is exactly God’s plan for my life. He set this whole thing up so that I could live more in alignment with the design HE has for me.
I like that perspective a lot better.
In the past I’ve struggled with letting go because I have been unclear on what “God’s will” is for me.
The 3rd Step Prayer says,
“God, I offer myself to Thee— to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”
I have prayed this prayer dozens of times without truly understanding what that is. My logical brain has picked it apart, trying to figure out what it “God’s will” and what is “My will.”
I’m realizing the more and more I surrender my desires over to Him, the more He gives me what I’m ultimately needing and wanting (sometimes without even knowing it).
Even though I didn’t know I needed sobriety, it’s what I needed. He set this whole thing up for me so that I could thrive. Why did I move across the country with my kids to a place I’ve never been before? Because it was God’s will for me, and all I did was listen and follow the guidance.
I admit, sometimes I get confused and I don’t know what God’s will is for me… and that’s okay. Many times it’s just an indication to sit, wait, be patient and listen. Sometimes the answers come quickly; other times it takes longer.
As long as I have the willingness to ask for the answers, they are typically shown to me.
Today, I am grateful for 7 days clean and sober. I am grateful for my growing relationship with God. I am grateful to be alive.