FEARS

What if I get so uncomfortable I can’t take it? What if I cave from the pressure? What if I die from anxiety? What if I get embarrased because I’m not drinking?

How will I meet people if I’m not drinking? How will I have fun if I’m not drinking? What if I’m really tired and I want an energy drink? What if I just want to feel that high and letting go feeling I get from drinking and smoking?

What if I’m not able to relax? What if I get more uptight and stressed? What if I am irritable, depressed, bored, and lonely for the rest of my life? How will I navigate if my life gets horribly worse?

What will people think if I tell them I’m sober? What will my family think? What will my clients think?

What if I just need to take something to relax? What if I need it?

What if people don’t like me when I’m not drinking or high?

What if I don’t enjoy life anymore without alcohol and drugs?

Can I enjoy life with alcohol and drugs?

Who am I without alcohol and drugs?

What if I’m not happy without it?

…Oh darling, but what if you are?

What if this is the best thing to ever happen to you?

I have to admit, it seems silly writing out my fears. But these are all legitimate and real, I’m afraid.

I am terrified to go forward with this.

I am terrified to let go of a crutch I’ve had for most of my life. Literally as long as I can remember.

Almost freeing though.

No more hangovers, feeling sick and groggy, losing days of my time when I stay out too late or drink too much. No more foggy brain or feeling out-of-touch with reality or the people in it. No more fake or fair weather friends.

I suppose it’s an opportunity to learn about who I am, what I want, and what I’m capable of.

And that sounds like an exciting adventure to me.